9 TV or Movie Characters CIOs Wish They Could Have on Their IT Teams
- 19 November, 2009 09:47
It was with some trepidation -- and just a little mischief -- that we pondered what response this query might generate from the members of Australia’s mild-mannered CIO community.
The pool of available talent CIOs had to choose from seemed limited this time not by a budget, but only their imagination.
But who did the CIOs choose to recruit?
Superhero crime fighters such as Batman, Lara Croft or Captain America?
Or superstar criminals such as Darth Vader, Freddy Krueger or Tony Soprano?
None of the above, as it transpires.
Why hire a do-gooder in a bodysuit or a psychopathic mob boss when you can have. . .
1. Dirty Harry
“I would like Dirty Harry as my User Liaison Officer,” says the devilish Robin Beauchamp, Director, Technology and Development at Payment Advisor.
Beauchamp closes his eyes and dreams the following scene saying, “It would give me immense pleasure”:
His marketing manager (MM) fires off the latest in a long line of change request e-mails to a tortured Web designer. On receipt of the e-mail, the designer groans loudly enough for Harry to hear. San Francisco’s not-so-finest cop ambles over and asks the Web designer to share his pain.
Fraught with woe, he tells Harry the MM has changed the page layout more times than he can remember. We best let Beauchamp pick up the story from here.
“Harry strides purposefully from the room, removes the pistol from his holster, and kicks open the MM’s office door. The MM looks up from his desk, stunned, as my new User Liaison Officer levels the gun at his forehead and says:
“This here’s a 44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. It would blow your head clean off. Now tell me punk, how many times have you changed your intranet layout? Is it five? Or is it six? Because if it’s six, this ain't your lucky day!”
2. The Incredible Hulk
Dematic CIO Allan Davies is not a violent man. But he’s happy to use the threat of violence as part of his workplace relations arsenal.
“I’d hire the Incredible Hulk so users can finally understand how frustrating they can be at times,” says Davies, twitching and flexing his ample biceps. “Seeing an IT guy’s patience finally give over to the Hulk transformation would be precious.”
If you like this story, be sure to check out the other articles in CIO's "Numbers. . . " series, like
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3. Colonel Nathan Jessup
For those not familiar with the Jack Nicholson character in the courtroom drama, A Few Good Men, Jessup is the gruff, old school army counterpoint to Tom Cruise’s Ivy League military college lawyer.
And he clearly made an impression on Brett McDowall, the CTO of Object Consulting.
“Jessup could tell the business the real truth about how they live their candy-assed lives under the protection of IT while they buy the most stupid solutions after golfing with a vendor. When he’s done, they’d drag him away and throw him in jail!”
4. Agent Smith
Sticking with the threat of physical violence theme is Mark Cohen, the CIO of Dealsdirect.com.au. He’d choose a version of Agent Smith from The Matrix -- minus his desire to destroy humanity.
Smith you may recall is designed to keep order in the system by terminating troublesome programs and human avatars which would otherwise cause instability. He can take control over any human wired into the Matrix.
Smith also possesses the ability to bend the rules of the Matrix -- such as gravity and the limitations of the human body -- giving him speed and strength beyond human capability. He can dodge bullets, punch through concrete with his bare hands, and jump impossible distances.
“Imagine being able to include the human personification of our business systems in strategy sessions,” says Cohen. “Now that would be handy.”
5. Richie Rich
For Simarjit Chhabra, it’s all about having enough resources.
The CIO of fire detection and security specialists Xtralis reminds us that we all live our lives as characters in a reality TV show.
Tormented by management, loathed by users and hounded by vendors, it’s the daily lot of the CIO to front up each day on set, in character, ready to play your role as the bountiful provider of all things IT.
“Over the years, I’ve thought about why we stay in IT when our budgets are slashed, our resources taken away, our project deadlines trampled and still we are meant to smile as part of our commitment to customer service,” says Chhabra. “Why do we do it?
“Because we mask the reality and do what the producers want us to do. We hide our feelings and present a professional, friendly face.
“So, I would choose Richie Rich for my team because he has no dearth of resources. He’s the richest kid in the world. With Richie on board, we could experiment and take some risks with projects based on newer technologies that will ultimately make the business a lot more fun.”
If you like this story, be sure to check out the other articles in CIO's "Numbers. . . " series, like
The 7 Quickest Ways for a CIO to Become Boardroom Roadkill
7 Favourite Pieces of Personal Technology for CIOs
6 Things That Should Be in the CFO's Budget -- Not Mine!
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6. David Levinson
Who you may ask? Think Independence Day. Think Jeff Goldblum. Think about an MIT-educated colleague capable of achieving the impossible. And then thank Angus MacDonald the Technical Director at Elcom, for bringing Levinson to our attention.
“Not only does he manage to save the President of the United States, decode the alien transmissions, identify the weak point in their network architecture, write a virus to bring down their shields and then personally deliver the virus -- along with a nuclear missile -- but he also reconciles with his wife and regains his faith in God, all in 72 hours!
“Now that’s exactly the sort of can-do attitude, raw brainpower, sheer dogged persistence and productivity we need in our developers.”
7. Ari Gold
The quintessential Type A personality from Entourage is the agent’s agent. Brash, time-conscious, and in your face, Gold has no time for niceties. He’s a doer, and this is why the former senior VP and department head of SMBC Leasing and Finance, Arun Manansingh -- whose responsibilities included IT -- wants Gold on his team.
“Why Ari? Because he gets things done and looks to the future,” Manansingh says. “He goes above and beyond the call of duty. He has boundaries that he will not cross, yet he tells you how it is and how it is going to be. You can trust him.”
8. Doctor Spock
The Reddog Technology CIO of few words Nathan Aherne doesn’t need time to think about his new recruit.
“Doctor Spock, because he is the King of the Nerds!”
9. Others
We brushed a nerve with this query and were swamped with suggestions, but not everyone wanted to go public with their idea.
“Miss Marple,” said one government CIO, “because she can solve any problem.”
“Edward Scissorhands,” said the CTO of a major vendor, “because we should all beware the anger of a patient man.”
“The current Miss Venezuela,” said a somewhat younger Technical Director at a financial services firm. “And for obvious reasons.”
“George Clooney,” said another. Presumably, also for obvious reasons.
But please spare some peer sympathy for the CIO of a healthcare company who is either a fan of fava beans and Chianti, or has simply had a year he’d rather forget.
“Hannibal Lecter.”
If you like this story, be sure to check out the other articles in CIO's "Numbers. . . " series, like
The 7 Quickest Ways for a CIO to Become Boardroom Roadkill
7 Favourite Pieces of Personal Technology for CIOs
6 Things That Should Be in the CFO's Budget -- Not Mine!